Eating too much meat is causing me to make endogenous oxalate.
Today was stressful at work. I had cloudy pee and was dumping ox all morning but I didn't feel too bad. Quite happy and upbeat actually. When I got home I had dinner then went to my friends' house. The low blood sugar dumping symptom began then extreme tiredness.

I am worried storing my enzymes in the freezer is going to destroy them. They have been SO helpful, even in the few days I've taken them!

Tomorrow is my last day of not studying more or less full time. I will try to journal everyday from Aug 1st. I'm watching my meat intake, upping enema's and eating a wider variety of veggies. Dumping will continue. I'm looking forward to getting my OAT test.

I keep reminding myself to have good posture and try to get some exercise everyday. I would like to start some quiet meditation in the mornings too, even if it is only for 5 or so minutes to begin with.

Supplement regime for the next week:
2x 50mg B-complex (breakfast & lunch)
2x 30mcg biotin (breakfast & lunch)
2x 300mg calc&mag citrate (lunch & dinner)
1x Vit E 400IU
2x TriEnza caps/1x scoop TriEnza powder w/ each meal (3x meals/day)
1-2x HcL (depending on reflux, amt. of meat eaten)
1/2tsp Cod Liver Oil (breakfast)

I usually take all of this daily anyway. I'm basically doubling biotin, b-complex and CLO. I am nervous about the amount of oxalate I'll dump and how uncomfortable it'll be. My skin goes a strange pale yellow colour, almost translucent and I can't wear any rings on my fingers or I'll develop a rash that scales, peels and cracks. Very wierd!!
My digestion gets VERY bad. I can barely digest any fibre (hence the enzymes). I get insomnia, bloating, distention, loose stools (with lots of crystals and white specks)- enteroliths? fatigue, EXTREMELY irritable (I will actually BITE your head off), fluid retention... fun times.

The funny thing I am seeing is that a lot of Vitamin-B deficiency symptoms are appearing AFTER starting the B-supplement. Retracing? Detox? Healing reactions? I've noticed ridges on my nails and bad dandruff. My teeth are not very white either. Sometimes they appear very white.

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Last night was ok. I ended up eating the steak. I dumped oxalate all night in to my digestive system, so as a result was bloated all night but I am kind of use to it now!
I felt weird in the morning. I wasn't tired until 1:30 AM. I felt weak and unbalanced.

I realised what provokes binges. Seeing others eat foods that I can't eat. I have been living alone for 3 weeks and have barely binged... The only times I have, it has been because I have seen others eat cakes, sweets, chips etc.. Like I would go to my parents house and they would have dessert, or to a party where there is a tonne of junk food served and nothing touches my mouth. That's why I binged so much living at home, or when I lived with my sister because there is so much GARBAGE food in the house and I feel deprived, and sad about it. I must work on getting over this feeling of deprivation. I have come to the realisation that this started YEARS ago when I restricted what I ate when I had anorexia. Then I would see pictures/be with people eating foods I restricted, and would go and binge on them.

I'm glad I've noticed this. So now I can address it. I'm just not sure how. It is so hard.

The past few days I have really been trying to do everything right and to maximise the amount of nutrition I am getting. Really I should be trying to do that everyday, but I'm known for self-sabotage.
I'm really beginning to understand that I have complete control over my own life and if I really wanted to heal, I could. I have discovered the basic principles to healing, it's just sticking to them which is the incredibly hard thing.

I have been good this week. I've made meat broths and had them every day. I've had cod liver oil every morning and liver and oysters almost every day too. All my meats and fats are biodynamic. I've pushed through 3 horrible days at work where oxalate dumping was really getting the better of me. I'm proud of myself.

I reacted awfully to the biodynamic pork (not fed corn/soy) I tried from the market. The fatigue, puffy face and weird skin colour was enough for me to know it was a no-go. I fell asleep an hour after eating it, and slept for 12.5 hours only to was up still exhausted. This is why I can't do eggs, fish or poultry also. It is a puzzle I'm often trying to solve. Now I know it is the MEAT I am reacting to, and nothing the animal has eaten. It all started when my diet got ridiculously limited as I started to fear food, and was eating foods very high in oxalate (white potatoes and rice). So I wonder if stored oxalate has something to do with it, since my body was too weak to dump during this time.

This week I am doubling my cod liver oil dose to 1/2 tsp (I'm at 1/4tsp at the moment). I seem to be fine with this amount. Some days I even crave it, and same with the liver..especially during oxalate dumps when a tonne of the body's resources are depleted. I'm also starting on the new batch of sauerkraut juice. I'm also doubling my B vitamin dose, so I'll be taking 2 50mg complexes a day..100mg B6. Prepare for dumping.

I'm trying not to get caught up in 'dreaming' of what I want to turn out like. I am more-so thinking of what I can achieve and being courageous with that. Hopefully this will help keep me on track.