Sorry, but I'm writing another list. 

Lists centre me. They organise my thoughts and bring a bit of clarity. 

Tomorrow I start uni. Today I ate way too many oxalates and got vulvar pain and frequent urination straight away. Oh and a hoarse throat. 

Tomorrow feels like a(noter) fresh start. I want to make steady progress. I really do.

I have made some progress. After dumping I make progress in foods I can tolerate. 

The plan

• Stick with Low Oxalate EVERY DAY (no more than 35mg)
• DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IF I EAT SOME HIGHER CARB VEG! (ie. don't give myself permission to binge. Have a piece, and move on.)
• Have supplements EVERY DAY except for last day of the month. YES, even when I'm going out that night.
• Have 3 Tablespoons of SKJ every day (before meals)
• All organic meats and fats
• Canned salmon 
• Fresh crayfish
• Liver & oysters (when a craving hits)
• Get an OAT test when tax money comes through
• Eat a wider variety of vegetables! (PEELED red capsicum, zucchini & choko, UNPEELED turnips & marrow, & cauliflower, FRESH herbs in soups)
• UNDERSTAND that oxalate dumping brings on a 'fake hunger', have an enema instead!
• Work towards coffee enema's. First probiotics enemas, then green tea then coffee.
• TRY fresh wild fish (salmon 1st) 
• TRY shellfish
• Introduce ghee (after a lot of dumping has eased)
• Introduce olive oil (after a green tea enema?)
• Some meditation every morning
• Dry skin brushing every day
• Exercise every day (Yoga or Walking)
• CONSCIOUSLY improve posture
• LESS computer/tv- MORE art!

Supplements (every day)

• B complex 50mg (work towards 2x day after dumping has eased)
• Molybdenum (until it runs out)
• Biotin 300mcg (increase when dumping)
• Vitamin E 400IU
• Calcium & Magnesium Citrate (300mg/ea 2x day)
• Cod Liver Oil (1/2tsp, increase to 1tsp after a few enema's)
• TriEnza w/every meal 
• Custom Probiotic 1 baby scoop every morning

I have been doing this supplement regime for a few weeks now and I think it works well. 

MOST importantly- DO THE BEST I CAN EVERY DAY! 

Don't beat myself up or 'give up' on that day if I don't do 'perfectly'. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Ask myself every morning- is this a day to reach further healing or stall healing? (My logical brain will always chose to reach greater healing!) MY health is in MY hands.   I have all the information I need for now, and I can make huge changes if I chose to.

Eating too much meat is causing me to make endogenous oxalate.
Today was stressful at work. I had cloudy pee and was dumping ox all morning but I didn't feel too bad. Quite happy and upbeat actually. When I got home I had dinner then went to my friends' house. The low blood sugar dumping symptom began then extreme tiredness.

I am worried storing my enzymes in the freezer is going to destroy them. They have been SO helpful, even in the few days I've taken them!

Tomorrow is my last day of not studying more or less full time. I will try to journal everyday from Aug 1st. I'm watching my meat intake, upping enema's and eating a wider variety of veggies. Dumping will continue. I'm looking forward to getting my OAT test.

I keep reminding myself to have good posture and try to get some exercise everyday. I would like to start some quiet meditation in the mornings too, even if it is only for 5 or so minutes to begin with.

Supplement regime for the next week:
2x 50mg B-complex (breakfast & lunch)
2x 30mcg biotin (breakfast & lunch)
2x 300mg calc&mag citrate (lunch & dinner)
1x Vit E 400IU
2x TriEnza caps/1x scoop TriEnza powder w/ each meal (3x meals/day)
1-2x HcL (depending on reflux, amt. of meat eaten)
1/2tsp Cod Liver Oil (breakfast)

I usually take all of this daily anyway. I'm basically doubling biotin, b-complex and CLO. I am nervous about the amount of oxalate I'll dump and how uncomfortable it'll be. My skin goes a strange pale yellow colour, almost translucent and I can't wear any rings on my fingers or I'll develop a rash that scales, peels and cracks. Very wierd!!
My digestion gets VERY bad. I can barely digest any fibre (hence the enzymes). I get insomnia, bloating, distention, loose stools (with lots of crystals and white specks)- enteroliths? fatigue, EXTREMELY irritable (I will actually BITE your head off), fluid retention... fun times.

The funny thing I am seeing is that a lot of Vitamin-B deficiency symptoms are appearing AFTER starting the B-supplement. Retracing? Detox? Healing reactions? I've noticed ridges on my nails and bad dandruff. My teeth are not very white either. Sometimes they appear very white.

******************

Last night was ok. I ended up eating the steak. I dumped oxalate all night in to my digestive system, so as a result was bloated all night but I am kind of use to it now!
I felt weird in the morning. I wasn't tired until 1:30 AM. I felt weak and unbalanced.

I realised what provokes binges. Seeing others eat foods that I can't eat. I have been living alone for 3 weeks and have barely binged... The only times I have, it has been because I have seen others eat cakes, sweets, chips etc.. Like I would go to my parents house and they would have dessert, or to a party where there is a tonne of junk food served and nothing touches my mouth. That's why I binged so much living at home, or when I lived with my sister because there is so much GARBAGE food in the house and I feel deprived, and sad about it. I must work on getting over this feeling of deprivation. I have come to the realisation that this started YEARS ago when I restricted what I ate when I had anorexia. Then I would see pictures/be with people eating foods I restricted, and would go and binge on them.

I'm glad I've noticed this. So now I can address it. I'm just not sure how. It is so hard.

My gut is extremely irritated. Last night I took too many HCL's and became very tired and my stomach was burning. It got quite bad and I was getting desperate. I didn't want to take any bi-carb because I threw out the box and didn't know if the stuff I bought had other ingredients. Then I remembered sauerkraut. So I had probably 3/4 cup of sauerkraut juice. The burning went away.
Today I have that nagging gut fluid retention. I get this when my gut has been irritated in some way and there is a tonne of mucous slogging it's way through. I could have an enema but I don't know how helpful it'll be. I feel the most uncomfortable in the middle of my gut (small intestine) and at the ileocecal valve, which an enema won't reach.
I have had breakfast and this feeling is really annoying me! It doesn't 'hurt' but it's frustrating.

I'm not sure if this irritation is from the HCL or the sauerkraut. The night before last I had the same problem actually with too much HCL. But I didn't become extremely tired and my gut didn't feel so inflamed. I felt this before the SKJ so it's hard to tell. Maybe it's both. The juice would have probably been irritating too. Usually I'll have 2 tablespoons max before a meal and that is fine.

I have a friends party to attend this afternoon which will go all night. I am staying over. She is having a barbeque and I was going to take a steak to cook. I don't know if I should be eating that much meat today though. I think my stomach needs a rest from acid.

I'm not taking any supplements either. Today will be the one day of the month I don't take supplements, to balance the body. I think I will just do some study, sip on chamomile tea and head to the party at 3pm.

Coffee enema's. Butter oil. B6. Biotin. Cod liver oil. Enzymes. That's what's on my mind.
Those are some things I am going to be working on soon.
Come Monday if I feel up to it, I'm ramping up the CLO dose again, to 1tsp in the morning.
Depending on my work schedule, I'll have my first coffee enema sometime next week. My fat digestion is terrible lately. Gone are the days when I could eat 4 tablespoons of fat in a sitting with no problem. Binge eating, intestinal stress, oxalate damage have sent me backwards and these coffee enemas are supposedly good for flushing the gall bladder.

Butter Oil? Vitamin K. 'The X Factor', to compliment the CLO, and because I don't do ghee yet. (Soon I hope!)

B6? Oxalate induced dumps. Getting my B6 levels up and getting rid of some of that stored oxalate. Hoping this will help with the amenorrhea too. Biotin to offset the oxalate damage, since biotin is greatly depleted in dumps.

Enzymes? My digestion SUCKS. I feel like I cannot digest any fibre. It is a PAIN!

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAL! One step at a time...sigh.

The past few days I have really been trying to do everything right and to maximise the amount of nutrition I am getting. Really I should be trying to do that everyday, but I'm known for self-sabotage.
I'm really beginning to understand that I have complete control over my own life and if I really wanted to heal, I could. I have discovered the basic principles to healing, it's just sticking to them which is the incredibly hard thing.

I have been good this week. I've made meat broths and had them every day. I've had cod liver oil every morning and liver and oysters almost every day too. All my meats and fats are biodynamic. I've pushed through 3 horrible days at work where oxalate dumping was really getting the better of me. I'm proud of myself.

I reacted awfully to the biodynamic pork (not fed corn/soy) I tried from the market. The fatigue, puffy face and weird skin colour was enough for me to know it was a no-go. I fell asleep an hour after eating it, and slept for 12.5 hours only to was up still exhausted. This is why I can't do eggs, fish or poultry also. It is a puzzle I'm often trying to solve. Now I know it is the MEAT I am reacting to, and nothing the animal has eaten. It all started when my diet got ridiculously limited as I started to fear food, and was eating foods very high in oxalate (white potatoes and rice). So I wonder if stored oxalate has something to do with it, since my body was too weak to dump during this time.

This week I am doubling my cod liver oil dose to 1/2 tsp (I'm at 1/4tsp at the moment). I seem to be fine with this amount. Some days I even crave it, and same with the liver..especially during oxalate dumps when a tonne of the body's resources are depleted. I'm also starting on the new batch of sauerkraut juice. I'm also doubling my B vitamin dose, so I'll be taking 2 50mg complexes a day..100mg B6. Prepare for dumping.

I'm trying not to get caught up in 'dreaming' of what I want to turn out like. I am more-so thinking of what I can achieve and being courageous with that. Hopefully this will help keep me on track.