Fermented vegetables

Lately I have been going a bit crazy with making fermented vegetables. It's summer here now and I crave raw, crunchy and cool foods but don't exactly want to eat the vegetables I can tolerate raw, so I've been fermenting them!
I've made beet kvass (which has been a tasty wonder tonic), sauerruben with turnips and swede/rutabaga, red sauerkraut, pickled marrow, bok choy kraut, pickled summer squash, turnip with kale and garlic and swede with kale.
The only one I didn't like was the bok choy one. Never really likes bok choy anyway but it was worse a try. I reused the brine in another ferment and buried the rest in the garden.
It will be interesting to see how the addition of garlic goes!

A week of gentle detox

I've decided to do a week of gentle detox. I really want to clean out my liver, gallbladder and general gut so I can be tolerating more foods and improving my digestion. 

As of tomorrow I'll be doing GAPS intro diet. So- broth, cooked veggies, slow cooked meats, fats off the meat, ghee, sea salt, lemon & ginger tea. I don't want to be eating a TONNE of meat. I've been on GAPS for 2 years now and my meat requirements have dropped, yet I over-eat it just because I can. I haven't got any ferments going at the moment so it'll just be the Custom Probiotics 11-strain in the AM. I have a habit of over-eating and feeling really stuffed after a meal, so I'm going to try be more 'intuitive', and have 3 meals a day and maybe 2 if I am working (I don't like eating at work because it's stressful to eat in a busy environment). Intro foods fill you up quickly because of all the liquid in the broth. 

I lost ghee about a year ago due to oxidative stress in the gut, but today I had about a tablespoon at once and didn't get that nasty headache. I'm actually 100% certain I'll be able to tolerate it fully soon, if I'm not already.

I'll also be aiming to do at least 4 pro-b enema's and 4 epsom salt baths. Supps will be 1 tsp cod liver oil, 1 tsp butter oil and 2 caps of fish oil a day. 

The first thing I want to try out of this detox is cauliflower. My fructmal got worse with the oxalate problem and I lost a lot of veggies! 

Well, a lot has changed since my last post. My supplement experiement has gone down the drain- I couldn't tolerate anything! Back to Dr. Natasha's view on minimal supplements. I got thinking (not sure why I didn't think of this sooner) about what made me heal when I was doing best on GAPS. LOTS of good fats (tallow and ghee mainly), low starch/low ox veggies veggies (no pumpkin or peas but I think rutabaga will be ok since it doesn't kick up cravings/binges), eating 3x a day and not snacking, and moderate meat intake. Then I think back to this one day I had a few months ago where my eyes were so white and bright and my skin was clear, everyone was looking at me differently- like I was a different person! I was happy and cheerful too. I had just made a great batch of turnip kraut and was having some with every meal. I have no doubt that's what it was. I haven't had kraut in a long time.

I cannot tell if I am in better or worse condition than before the supplement experiment. I know I continued to dump without the supplements. It seems the supplements were stopping the dumping in a way and creating more oxidative stress. Anyway I am glad to say I am back at GAPS intro diet which is kind of like my 'safe house'. No supplements except for oils (vit E, CLO and fish oils) for a week, having meat broth and veggies every day. It is warm here atm so if I get the organic veggies on Saturday to make the kraut, it should be ready by next week.

Oh and the fluid retention is a TONNE better. Bloating not so much, but I'm not expecting that problem to go away any time soon. I have some chopped up kabocha from yesterday that I will have today but after that no pumpkin until I can do ghee confidently again. I won't be doing kabocha either I don't think, but butternut squash first since I've always digested it better.

Mum's back is getting better! She's showing no signs of taking it easy though so I hope it doesn't go again.

This morning Susan went over my OAT with me. She taught me all about the oxidative stress/glutathione/b6 pattern. I will have to look over my notes and try to decipher it another time, right now I am too tired to wrap my brain around it..not to mention I am dumping pretty hard right now. 

I have to take reduced glutathione, B6 in the forms pyridoxine and P5P to a total of about 580mg a day (10mg per kg of body weight) in order to 'get out' of oxidative stress, allithiamine (Vit B1- to assist in the proper metabolism of a higher meat diet and prevent protein/meat(?) from being converted to oxalate, a lot of biotin (probably around 20mg a day), enzyme CoQ10 and maybe some msm sulfur but I am a bit scared of that one just yet. 

I have no idea how I am going to increase to that amount of B6. Right now..I'm taking 50mg and dumping with minor rashes, GI distress, insomnia, ravenous hunger, mood swings, depression etc.. I have a feeling though, that I am not getting myself out of oxidative stress enough. What I think might be happening is that the B6 is helping me to dump some but I am continuing to make endogenous oxalate, so I have oxalate production coupled with oxalate dumping and it's making me feel even more lousy. 

Although, when I stop making endogenous oxalate I know I will dump a tonne of stored stuff from all this time in oxidative stress. And that in itself is going to put me in more oxidative stress and will be counterproductive. Step in biotin. This is meant to be the lifesaver..along with all the other antioxidants that will be helping me reduce the oxidative stress caused by dumping. Phew!

In other news, I LOVE yoga. I've have done 20 mins of hatha every day for about a week and my body is feeling so much stronger now that I am doing it regularly instead of once a week (which I've been doing for about a year). Why didn't I do this sooner? I also go for 20 minute brisk walks every 2nd day or so. I won't brisk walk if I don't feel up to it, which has been lately with the dumping...I'll just go for a steady 15 minute walk.

The past 3 days have been pretty good. I have started exercising a lot more. I go for a dog walk (brisk pace) for about 20 minutes, and do about 15 minutes of yoga most days. In addition to being on my feet all day unless I'm at work, which is 3 days a week on average.
I feel better when I exercise, and I noticed something different about how my body responds now. I feel BETTER now, not tired and unbalanced. Oh and the weird ticks in my muscles have gone too- I use to get them even after a 20 minute walk in my legs like little muscles twitching.

Today I am quite tired. I woke up at 2.30am with insomnia and ravenous hunger from dumping. I probably also didn't eat enough yesterday. I didn't get back to sleep..wasn't tired. It was from dumping, so my gut has been a bit of a mess today and my head a bit foggy.

My mum tore a disc in her back so I have been running around like a madman accomplishing her duties (pets, household chores, food shopping, taking her to appointments). I made her a smoothie this morning because she was too nauseous to eat her muesli with milk, yoghurt, chia seeds, banana, coconut oil and dates. Without thinking I licked the spatula I used..I must have been feeling pretty normal to forget that I can't tolerate most of those things (I even gave up ghee over 6 months ago). Well..no reaction that I can sense so far and that was 8 hours ago! I have been giving her cod liver oil, calcium, magnesium and b-vitamins to take. Last night I gave her some MSM powder and gulcosamine. She woke up with a splitting migraine and excruciating back pain.
I actually think the MSM caused the migraine. It's such a strong detoxifier and my mum shows signs of candida/less than optimal health (doesn't everyone?!).
Regardless, at 4pm she is feeling much better and can laugh without it hurting! Yay! I think she will be fine. I *know* the supplements are helping her. She felt a lot better after the smoothie too. Coconut oil magic.  

Well hooray, basmati rice went down a lot better than medium-grain. In fact I don't think I had much trouble with it at all. I still only want to have it on occasion though, maybe once a week. I also didn't have any supplements yesterday when I tested it..maybe that has something to do with it?
I'm just getting over the remnants of my cat encounter. This house is very allergenic though, so when I walk in my nostrils get tight and I get a parched throat. All things I'm hoping will heal.
Summer is finally approaching. Last night and this morning it was hot. Today I have some study to do, uni tomorow and work the next day.
Yesterday I had work and came home feeling a bit low, the customers were rough and I was dumping all day. It was one of those 'why am I still working here again?' days.. Only 2 shifts next week though! I have been applying elsewhere..kind of.

OAT results back

I got my OAT results this morning. They kind of show what I was expecting..I think? The B6 is in the low range despite taking 100mg pyridoxine a day. Some other markers point to a deficiency. CoQ10 and NAC are also low. Something that shocked me was high Malic Acid..which points to exposure to the chemical found in plastics or in the air.
I wasn't expecting this marker to be on there. But it shows that my room is making me more ill, which really pisses me off. I want to move! But there is no where to go!

About a week ago I got too close to the cat. Actually it was the dog (who sleeps on the cat bed). I had him on my bed, patting him, face close to him etc.. I couldn't be bothered washing my doona cover for another 2 days, so there was cat/dog hair on the doona for 2 nights. The day I washed it, I started feel snuffly, sneezy, swollen glands. Then slowly a full blown purge came on and I still have it now. I sound/feel like I have a bad cold. I don't believe this happens from the cat! It also happened when I spent 2 nights and 2 days in a dusty environment. I was sick with cold-symptoms for 2 weeks just purging the dust out. There was a marker on the OAT that showed something about weakened respiratory tract. I forget what it was though. I sent it to the oxalate lady Susan for analysis. Can't wait for her feedback... I am still coughing now from the cat. My room/this house makes it worse.. I was just at the beach and library and coughed maybe twice, come home and I'm in coughing fits again. Woke up with chest tightness again this morning. Did I mention I really hate this house?

I'm doing an assignment on Dr. Edward Bach, the man who founded the Bach flower remedies. I'm going to get some flower remedies that I think will help with my own illness, to help with the emotional roller coaster it's sending me on.

There is a rice bread that I'm thinking of trying out. I ate it before GAPS. I don't think I digested starches well before GAPS, but it's even worse now. It's like my body has 'forgotten'. But I got another headache from fat today. It makes me feel like crap. My gut is extremely bloated and stodgy. Probably full of crystals.

20- a new year!

Today is my birthday. I feel things changing, in the way I think, behave and feel. This year will bring big changes. Plus I also won $40 in a scratchy dad bought me!

I have started doing some arm weights using dad's lifting machine and I bought some joggers yesterday. The day before last I ran along the beach because I felt like it, and I had the energy and fitness to do so despite not jogging in years. It is scary though, to exercise and expect a relapse of fatigue. I didn't feel particularly bad after, but I did dump heavier the next morning. I must learn to take it easy and slow.

On other news my friends boyfriend keeps doing these facebook posts 'proving humans are herbivores' etc.. like he is trying to prove a point. I DON'T CARE! There is nothing he can say that will convince me (or more importantly my body) to become a vegetarian. It's almost like he is trying to convince himself! Oh well..I digress.

Have to write an essay today, perhaps do some online shopping with birthday money and take the dog for a long walk. And no, not a fan of celebrating my birthday...I hate being the centre of attention!

Dumping is going surprisingly steady. Have had a few cloudy urine incidences. Yday has little appetite but today ravenously hungry- I ate and became extremely bloated and gassy.

Have slept poorly 3 nights in a row (5 hrs/night). Just don't feel tired, but wired. I don't wake up tired either, but my body needs rest. I take the B-vits quite early in the day and have clear pee by night time (as oppose to fluro yellow).

My left lower eyelid keeps twitching like crazy. Magnesium? Happens most during the day. I think I could be absorbing too much calcium..I have had this problem in the past with Vit D toxicity and hypercalcemia. I was taking my calc/mag at the same time as cod liver oil then...now I take separately and don't have any obvious d-toxic signs. Somedays I take a whopping 800mg mag a day just to stop my muscles cramping.

I have worked two full days in a row. Usually I hate the place, but it has been quite pleasant. I have made a conscious effort to be happy with my customers, to smile and be light hearted. It has made a huge difference to the quality of my customers too. I usually get the angry, grumpy customers. Either it's a coincidence, or something is paying off. I think it's the latter!

I think I could be gearing up to trial ghee soon. I am tolerating more B-vits than ever before. I was still tolerating ghee when I couldn't take one 50mg-cap, and now I can take 2 reasonably comfortably.

Wow this bloating is out of control. Head is very fuzzy too. Probably from the tallow I ate, fat digestion is very poor for me when dumping.

I had a small (Actually quite large) debate with my friends boyfriend last night. He keeps demonising red meat and thinks he's God's gift because he's adopted vegetarianism. Let's just say I believe I won the argument. Veg*n's have no 2 legs to stand on when it comes to the facts of life. Sigh.

It's 4:30am. I woke up at 3am. Freaking dumping insomnia.

I'm not sure why I keep going back to high oxalate foods. Is there some sort of subconscious reason? I know my self control is better than this.

Every day when I learn more about oxalate, I am more and more confident that I will improve the longer I am on the protocol and upping my B6. God knows how long I'll dump for.. especially since I have been sick for 3ish years and went through periods of regression from eating too higher oxalate.

I'm excited! Could this be the answer I've been looking for? Could this *heal* me? Could I be eating dairy, kefir and eggs in a years time? God I hope so!

I feel quite low & stressed today. The weather is damp and rainy.
Firstly I started off the day giving in to high oxalate foods.
Then I decided to have an epsom bath and on getting out of the bath I was using the towel rail for support and it gave way under me and I smacked my face on the floor, splitting my eyebrow. The gash is about 1.5cm and goes vertically right down the middle of my brow. I also bruised my knees.
So my dad got home and went to the chemist for sutures. I'm a bit pissed off there's a chance I'll be a scar face now. I already feel horrible about my looks with the dumping acne and body/facial puffiness and general weight gain. I don't even wan't to look in the mirror.

Mum told me that she had found more mold in her room. It is all on the vertical blinds and window sill. The dampness in the cupboard is bad too. She said she has woken up with brain fog the 2 nights since she's been home. I told her about borax so she took the blinds off and is soaking them in a borax solution.
Now my dad is in one of his weird moods where he keeps snapping from reasonable to psychotic. Of course he hit the bottle as soon as getting home so is most likely drunk already. He's keeping going off on tangents that don't make sense and disrespecting my mum.

I don't want to be here. Everything feels weird and uncomfortable.
My head is foggy. Unsure if that is from the oxalates this morning or being in mum and dads room for a bit when I was talking to mum. I was going to call in sick tomorrow because of my swollen eye but then I thought.. I would rather be there than here.

Wow I am SO bloated! Oxalates, and fibre. I started eating sauerruben with every meal so that's bound to be causing bloating. I need to get my gut use to different foods. Even those that go on (the dreaded) raw food diet find that they bloat at the beginning because their bodies aren't use to raw foods. The body adapts. And mine will too.

I really do believe this is oxalate related though. My digestion is always shocking when dumping. I have red patches on my fingers again. My head is fuzzy. I have work tonight. Arghh.

mm well I give up on the rice I tired yesterday. It sat in my gut like a brick and I stopped dumping. Literally felt like glue slugging it's way through my intestines. It was medium grain. I will try 1 last time with basmati (less starchy) and if that gives me problems then I'll forget the idea.

The main reason I'm bringing in rice is because I need another energy source in my diet. I can't have sugars, potatoes, peas or butternut pumpkin (binges & FODMAPS). I can't digest fat when I'm dumping oxalates, and eating too much meat generates more oxalates! 

Once the oxalate issue is over, I'll ditch the rice. But, if the rice is shit, I'll push through with the fats and just have to deal with fewer calories for a time. 

I'm going to enquire with Great Plains Lab about getting a Pyruloria test done with my OAT. Hopefully I can get it shipped out and then send them both together since I already have the OAT waiting.

Mum got back from over East today. We talked about dad's anger and drinking. It is getting quite bad and neither of us is sure what to do. I might use some of my college's free counselling sessions and ask the counsellor for some advice. 

Gosh I love my college course! I got 85% in my first essay, 10% above class average! I'm really not looking forward to getting the marks back for my second assignment for a different unit. The lecturer is strict and a very hard marker. Apparently he annihilated a lot of our assignments.. I think I am one of them. I didn't show him  any drafts. Just did it and hoped for the best. But when he was talking about the faults he found in them I was thinking 'I did that and that…and that'.

Oh well, it is all a learning experience and I can only get better. I will definitely be showing him Part B of this assignment for him to go through before submission. I really want to do well.

Well I just ate rice for the first time in almost 2 years. It feels like there is a brick sitting in my gut and it's distended & bloated. Hmm to prepare myself for the rice this is what I did-

• last night I put 1 cup in a bowl with de-chlorinated water and 2 T of lemon juice
• this morning I rinsed it, put it in a saucepan with 2 slices of ginger and a few leaves of rosemary, and used the absorption method to cook it
• I ate it with 50g organic beef mince, 2 T organic tallow, sea salt, a few slices of swede and turnip, 2 T of turnip/lemon kraut juice, all my usual supps + 2 trienza enzymes caps

It is VERY hard to say if this uncomfortable feeling is partly caused by dumping. My head is getting fuzzy and last night I was dumping too. I'm also incredibly grumpy.

Who knows... maybe I just need to get use to the rice. That sounds dumb.

I can't help but feel within myself, that I don't need to eat this much meat. I crave fresh vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds. My body doesn't seem to want that though. I can't believe after 2 years on GAPS I am saying this. I feel like a sinner! Of course I will still eat protein every day in the form of animal flesh. Just less.. only 50-100g less. 

When I was eating I was thinking 'food combining wouldn't allow this'. Starch and protein? Woops. Is food combining even legit? Don't monks eat twice a day with meat and rice at every meal? 

Anyway, I'm getting my eyebrows threaded today.

We talked about the inner child today at college. It was interesting and refreshing. For a part of my assignment I have to record 3 self-criticisms I notice. How embarrassing! Oh well. I'll try to be honest..

It's hard to put in to words but is crystal clear in my head. I *know* I have the world at my fingertips if I want it. But that's it.. I feel intimidated and scared at what's out there so I guess I don't try 100% of the time to heal. Maybe because healing is hard.. and setbacks happen and it's hard to stay focused. I remembered when I was a child I often over reacted when I got sick as a way to get attention. I also remember getting the most attention when I was sick. Once when I was about 9 I had gastro and lost a lot of weight. I remember my dad pointing that out to me and saying it was 'amazing'. Maybe my anorexia stems a bit from this moment. Middle-child syndrome too?

That being said, I do try awfully hard to heal every day. I'm a perfectionist and even what I do every day isn't enough or 100%. I must let it what I do be ok.

I'm collecting my OAT sample on Wednesday morning. I wasn't LOD yday or much of last week infact. I had gelled broth and higher ox foods. My dumping stopped completely, which took a few days. But boy I felt better. Today was especially good. Yesterday wasn't too bad. I think it was because I took my Vit A supp yday and today. 10 000IU worth each day. I think I'll continue taking it at this dose. I read in the WAP book that it isn't toxic if from natural sources.

I'm thinking of starting to incorporate some organic soaked white rice in to my day. I know...GAPS taboo! BUT I feel like this is ok. Everyone's 'path' is different. My problem is not with candida. It is with oxalates and foods that aggravate my condition which flares candida. Rice was always ok for me. And it's low ox. I think my biggest pitfall when I ate a lot of rice and potatoes was more so the potato end. MASS amounts of them- homemade wedges, packaged crisps, mash, baked.... every day.
I figure if I eat the rice with the same amounts of fats, and less meat. I am OVER meat. I have allergies to white meats and eggs so I am dead sick of red meat at every meal, and it is most probably contributing to my oxalate problem because I'm eating too much meat to feel satisfied.

I'll try to eat more shellfish. For some weird reason I can tolerate shellfish fine. Crustacea is a bit iffy, I can get away with once a week but after that it's a bit uncomfortable.

I'm also eating swedes and don't have a problem with those either.

One thing I've noticed since moving back home is how incredibly anxious I am around my dad. He is unpredictable, moody, loud, aggressive and emotionally abusive. The way he snaps between moods makes me not ever want to be nice to him. Today I was reminded to remove my self emotionally from the situation when he gets like that. It feels impossible to do.

I feel unwell. It seems something has caused my body to take a battering and these binges are becoming impossible. Probably a good thing. But I am SO tired. I feel like I dump all the time now. When I eat oxalate foods, when I eat something that causes me to make endogenous oxalate...there is a brief period of feeling good, and then I dump..like an hour after eating the oxalate culprit.
I am so stressed living with my parents again. The binges are a coping mechanism.
Could it be the rise of B6 in my blood since taking 100mg? I just read about how if you cannot convert B6 in to active form, it just circulates in the blood..causing neuropathy and other symptoms. I always get numbness in my feet and legs, more noticeable when taking the B6.. But B6 causes me to dump too..? So shouldn't I be converting it if it's making me dump?

I don't know....it's all very complex. Too complex for the brain to even comprehend. The only way I will get an inkling of an idea is by trialling P5P, and my OAT results.

The other thing it could be is this house. I have felt more ill since moving here. But I started the 100mg B6 and moved at the exact same time. I did this because I thought I would need more B-vit support with the chemicals in the house and the mold.

Maybe the mold and chemicals are making me ill. Sounds like a no-brainer doesn't it?

I don't know what to do. Should I get the house tested for spores? More $$$ on a house I don't care for.

My mind was all over the place today. I felt like a junkie. I needed to be eating all the time. I drove to the shopping centre for more food, sat in the car and thought 'what the heck am I doing?' and drove back. What happens is- I eat foods that contain fibre, then I feel I must get the fibre 'out' because it's causing too much discomfort.. so I eat to 'push' it through. But lately it hasn't been coming through. It just sits there. It's an endless cycle. I want to just have an enema but our house is small and there are 4 of us here and having an enema in a house with one toilet where no one even knows what an enema is....is not going to work. So I have been trying to time it to have an enema after everyone goes to sleep. I think I will do one every night coming up. Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night, after dad has gone to sleep. Mum comes home on Wednesday so I won't be doing them for quite some time after this. She is repulsed by them, and makes me feel very dirty for doing them.

Have had quite a few sharp headaches today too.

I binged today. And you know what? It's the best I've felt in WEEKS. I ate a lot of kabocha squash, peas, turnip, swede and yummy beef ribs where the tallow was actually YELLOW!
All my supps...

And we haven't even had dinner yet.

Last night I binged as well. But I was dumping horribly that day. And the pea fibre was causing massive discomfort and tension headache. Today, the headache is slight.. but I don't feel as crap. My digestion is SO affected by dumping.

My Fedex came for the OAT test. Which I'll send off on Monday. I'm so excited for the results. Hopefully it will tell me something I don't already know..
It is probably a good thing that I binged on oxalate foods today, since I'll still be dumping them on Monday..maybe not. I tend to dump real fast. My 'honeymood period' is like, 3 hours. lol. If not it will at least tell me I'm dumping endogenous oxalate.. I'll take my supps as normal, that way I'll know if I need more B6.

As much as I *hate* dumping, I love it too. The human body amazes me. Watching it dump oxalate is profound. The rashes on my ringers are already disappearing, my skin isn't sickly pale, my digestion is even coping better with fibre. When I eat LOD again tomorrow it will all return. And the turmoil begins again.

The carpets still stink. I hate this house. I don't even have a desk. I do my studies on my bed. The other day I ate about 2 cups of pumpkin, 2 swedes and a turnip in one sitting. The oxalate dumping the next day was intense. ARghhhh!!!! It's like my body absorbed every single little mcg of oxalate I ingest, and it's just a continual pattern of dump dump dump. It's like it NEVER STOPS!!!
Am I absorbing more since being in this smelly house when my body is in constant stress trying to detox chemicals?
The bloating today- also intense. Major fluid retention in the face. Headaches. This sucks. I want to live in a house where there is fresh air. Where I have a desk. Where my dad isn't a scary psycho. Is that too much to ask? Really?

I did not eat vegetables until dinner today. I felt a salicylate reaction all day. Weakness, tiredness, low blood sugar....I just *knew* it was sals. I think it has been a build up of zucchini, red peppers and then the olive oil tipped it over the edge. Anyway, my digestion was normal apart form bloating before a BM. For once no fluid retention. I came home and ate half a large turnip, a gem squash and about a cup of kabocha squash.
I switched rooms with my brother, had a coughing fit (so bad I almost threw up) and now I'm sitting here BLOATED, brain fog, tired. I am doing so poorly with vegetables. I think it is dumping though. My hands are quite cracked. I have red patches were my rings go. I got acne along my jawline where I always get it during dumps. Stools always have white dots and/or crystals. I am taking 100mg pyridoxine B6. I want to add some P5P. Maybe after next week when my assignments are all in. I will continue on the B6 until a lot of dumping has eased. I'm *hoping* once the dumping is gone I will digest better.
Really felt like binging today. Typical sal detox. I feel like eating. But I am so tired. My body is tired. I have to get up early tomorrow and go out tomorrow night. I have to write an essay tomorrow. I have to clean the house tomorrow to get ready for the cleaner..don't ask. I only want to eat because I am stressed again. So I won't eat. I'm not even hungry.

I feel shit.
I think it is a combination of oxalates, salicylates, the fact I had an epsom salt bath yesterday (?) and the chemical smell in my room that keeps me coughing all day and night.
I just want to cry. The past 2 days I have been building ikea furniture for this room. I spent $250 on it and wasted time/inhaled more irritants for nothing. I will have to ask my brother to swap rooms with me. I will have 0.2mm of space to move but that is too bad. At least I will be able to breathe. I think that is more important. I HATE living here. HATE. I am so angry at my mum for choosing this stupid house then leaving for Queensland for 3 weeks to leave me to deal with it AND my dad, brother and all 4 pets. I HAVE ENOUGH ON MY PLATE. I am so over renting shit houses. Why can't we just live in a decent house for once. WHY CAN'T THEY BUY A HOUSE? They are both on full-time wage with degree's! ARGH. And I binged today. I am so stressed. It's all too much.

COLD day. Windy. Gross.

Dumping all day. Bad digestion all day. Woke up with a terrible throat and cough. Went to yoga. Bought house plants (room still smells). Had lamb, turnip, capsicum and zucchini with lamb fat, meat broth and sea salt for B & L. Usual supps. For dinner I didn't feel like any more lamb. I went to the fish monger and splashed out. I got 6 mussells, 7 pippies and 4 oysters (all raw).
I have eaten oysters since starting GAPS, but not the others. They were delish. I steamed them until cooked and had them with lemon and sea salt. I had my usual veggies with lamb fat too. Digestion is still shocking. Weird bloating going on. The same bloating I get from crayfish. I think it is a healing reaction. I love seafood!!

I wrote a list of foods I want to start eating-

• ghee, coconut oil, olive oil, avocado oil and macadamia oil (all organic)
• different fermented veg- turnip, red pepper, bok choy leaves (maybe), ginger, lemon, whole herbs and spices (all organic)
• water kefir and coconut water kefir
• avocado's and broccoli
• different types of shellfish more often (oysters, clam, mollusc, marron, mussels, scallops, squid, crayfish) at least 1x a week!

Yuuuuuum. 

There is a lot going through my mind at the moment. Introducing new things, deficiencies, EMF exposure at work, need to get a new job, need to study, chemical smell in bedroom carpet, mold in the bathroom, cat allergies....(they are a few thoughts.)

I need to just calm down sometimes. I know I'm anxious when I start scraping my scalp and pulling out strands of hair.

Last night I went out to dinner with friends. I was planning on not eating anything but I skipped meat at dinner beforehand and felt like something. So me and my other friend went halves in a meal. We got grilled T-bone steak with wilted spinach, brocolli, green beans and roasted white skinned potatoes with a mushroom and red wine jus on the side. I gave my friend the spinach and green beans (oxalates), half the potatoes, half the steak and the jus. I love potato, so I had 2 small ones, even though they are high ox. I felt my joints in my wrists start hurting a few minutes after eating them. I also developed a need to cough, like something was irritating my throat. I think the steak had some honey on it, or maybe a sweet soy sauce..something sweet. Not having sugar for so long I can taste it from a mile away! There was also a sweet chilli type sauce around the outside of the plate and I'm sure I accidentally ingested some. Oh well. I lived. Then they went to get hot chocolates and I missed out. Annoying.. but again, I lived.

I stayed at my friends house. Her bed was uncomfortable, but I had an ok sleep and woke at 7.30am, rested enough.

I went to the farmers market and got probably 2 weeks worth of organic meat and some organic turnips for $70. Got some delicious looking T-bones with a huge hunk of fat on the side. YUM. Dinner for me and dad.

My throat has continued to be irritated all day. I cough every now and then. Maybe its the chemicals making their way out of my lungs? The smell seems to be faint in the house now. My room is still the worst. It'll disappear eventually...here's to hoping.

Surprisingly my digestion has been good today. I haven't had any noticeable bloating. I've taken all my supps. I've been sipping on tea- stinging nettle and chamomile. Some lemon juice added. I made organic turnip kraut with a slice of lemon. Today I've cooked everything just before I ate it (no refrigeration etc), which makes me dread amines or histamines since I've been ok today. I probably ate too much meat. I did have about 4 tablespoons of sauerkraut juice though.

I went for a fast walk around the block a few times.

I'm going to take more Niacin on days I work now. There is an awful lot of EMF's in my workplace. That stupid 3G signal strengthener they put in not long ago. I feel ill every time I work now. Fuzzy head/brain fog, bloating, loose stools. I need to work somewhere easier. I was thinking the markets near my new suburb. Way less EMF's and more fresh air!

I'm going to buy some plants for my room too. To help with the smell mostly. Spider plant, peace lily or cactus..? All 3? Change my room in to a jungle? lol

Introducing these items next
Organic home-made ghee
Organic coconut oil
Water Kefir

Which one first though??

The last few days have been very stressful. We moved house, and the house we moved in to is moldy and had a bad chemical smell from the carpet cleaning. ESPECIALLY in my room (how ironic). I've been staying at my friends house. Her mum is very understanding, because her brother has CFS and is very sensitive to molds and chemicals too.

I doubled my dose of B-complex and WOAH had the biggest oxalate dump today. I won't go in to details. That dump was induced by the B-complex I took last night and this morning and then at lunch after the dump I took another B-complex, so I'm dumping again! It's fascinating what happens during dumping.

I can deal with the symptoms (I can deal with a lot), so I'm going to continue at this dose until I feel I've reasonably dumped. I'm excited at the changes I'll see. What I'm worried about is this gross house. The carpets are getting hot water extracted tomorrow morning. I'll be here so I'll ask the man to go over it until the smell is GONE! As for the mold, my mum is going on holiday for 3 weeks so I'll be in charge of contacting the real estate agent. I'll try on Friday and every day after that until they fix the leak in the bathroom. I will be the most annoying tenant ever :)

I'm trying to stay positive in hoping that in the summer any mold wont be able to survive since it gets so hot here. Then we will move. Or I will move when my friends can move out.

Anyway must run. Going to my friends house and out to see some other friends.

I feel I need to get over the fact the cat is living here. If I am being honest, I like the cat. He's cute, and he's also my phone's wallpaper lol. My throat is getting sore, and my nostrils are closing up. Could be the cat, could be because I'm dumping oxalate AGAIN. Does it ever stop?? I told mum I would like it if he wasn't allowed in the loungeroom, that way I can actually sit on the couch without reacting. She said she's happy with that. Don't know how long it'll last. Might just buy a tv for my room.
I figure I am reacting to him the same way I react to walking down a dusty road, unintentionally ingesting mold, and petting rabbits. There is a REASON for this. Is it a B6 deficiency? Should I start taking P5P? Will see when the OAT results get back!

Today I felt quite ill at some points. I think it could be the smell from the carpet cleaning. The room has been airing out for 2 days now, and the smell is only JUST dissipating. Mum came down with a migraine too. I felt mostly nauseous, not hungry, heavy arms, weakness etc... it lifted as quickly as it came. In other news, I am hungry again!
I also took 1tsp of CLO today. I missed yday's dose. It was good. I felt like I needed it. Also had an epsom salt bath but didn't use too much salts (maybe half a cup?). Last time I had a ES bath I had a CFS 'relapse' the next day, but it's hard to say if that was from gluten contamination or chemical overload from henna-ing my hair the day before..

Anyway, another busy-ish day tomorrow of study and other tid bits.

We are keeping the cat. I didn't even bother discussing it with my mum. We are keeping it, end of discussion. This just means I will yet again become a recluse in my own home. Sticking to my bedroom, washing my hands every half hour and never sitting on the couch. Yippee.

I don't want to be here. It feels like my only friend in this house is my body. My dad has already asked me several times if I still 'eat weird'. I want to live ALONE. This house is old and run down too. It's a bad environment. Everything feels off. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Today could be going better.
I am moving house. I am pretty angry because my sister said she would take her cat which I am very allergic to (she dumped it on my parents) and I told mum I would only move home if the cat goes. Well turns out my sister has left another problem in the hands of my parents and won't take the cat. So it has literally turned in to one of those 'it's me or the cat' situations. I refuse to live with it. My mum has been hesitant to bring it up with me because she knows how I'll react, so she hasn't even discussed it yet, but I am moving all my stuff to the house now. It is a waste of my time if I have to move it all there and discover they are keeping the cat, then move it all back.

I am really bloated right now. I was actually not bloated at all this morning, but now I look 6 months pregnant. Could be the fibre from the capsicum...My head is fuzzy, I am tired..it is more likely oxalate. I had insomnia last night (didn't sleep until 2am), dumped oxalate late in the evening then my heart was thumping away and my body was lethargic. I then became very hungry. Typical oxalate.

Oh another thing- they cleaned the carpets in the house we're moving in to so the whole house smells of chemicals. GREAT. I felt sick when I was moving my stuff in and my neck glands were swelling up. This does not look like it's going to be a pleasant experience.

Today I'm feeling a bit off. Yesterday I felt really good. This is typical of chronic fatigue (which I barely have). I think I went a bit hard in yoga last night. At the end we did a back bend pose and I could feel my kidneys getting squeezed and hurting. I also didn't retain water yesterday, and I felt like I saw my 'true weight', which I am happy with. Today I'm back to being puffy and woke up lethargic.

Meals are mostly lamb/beef which have been cooked in water for 3 or so hours. I usually throw a few fresh herbs (mint, oregano, sage…anything I have) and a few garlic cloves in (which I strain out). This is my meat broth and that usually lasts 2 days. I let the broth cool in the fridge then take the hard fat off and put it in jars in the freezer for cooking later. The meat has soft fatty tissues on it so I don't usually add extra fat unless I'm cooking with mince, having some fish, steak or baking veggies. I will add extra fat when I can tolerate it better- dumping oxalate greatly impairs fat absorption for me and having too much makes me feel unwell.

TriEnza is a GODSEND! I have been eating different kinds of veggies now. I am partially ignoring salicylates for now, I feel too deprived and depressed if I'm only eating 4 different foods! So I'm having some peeled zucchini, peeled capsicum, small amounts of cauliflower, turnips, chayote/choko, marrows and garlic (infused- not the fibre) depending on what I can find. Before it was just marrow and turnips. I will probably bring back kabocha squash and butternut squash when I am in better control of binges, and spaghetti squash when in season. I might have a rule that I only have butternut or kabocha when mum or dad are cooking it for their own dinner. Then I won't feel like I'm always saying 'no thanks' when they ask if they can cook something for me. 

I am moving back with my parents tomorrow. I've barely packed but it shouldn't take too long. I hope I get a sunny room to make study enjoyable. I hope even more that  I can put up with my father. I've loved living alone and have learnt a lot about myself. I've learnt about my reactions to other people and most importantly my pattern of thinking and how I get stuck in a 'rut' of unreasonable negative thoughts. ("I hate this I hate that"). I've also realised the core reason for my binges being mostly about deprivation. Binges do not get me anywhere-only set me back. I hope I remember all this when I'm feeling a binge coming on. Lots of hoping going on here!

Today was ok. I woke up later than usual- 9:30am. On the days I take B6 and start dumping.. I always have short vivid dreams close to waking up.

I had B, then went to work. I was not in a bad mood. I felt quite good, but I had a few too many grouchy customers and I became agitated and annoyed at every customer after that. Some people are so rude. I'm SO glad I'm only working 2 days a week now.

I had L at work which I took in my thermos. I came home and had D and then dumped some more oxalate (I won't elaborate). Had some ginger and lemon tea...then after an hour or so became extremely hungry and had to have a 2nd D, which was quite a lot of lamb from the soup yday, and more turnip and zucchini with melted tallow and lots of sea salt.

Eating more than I 'planned' is hard. It stems from the anorexia. I still feel I need to regain some routine and control over my eating. But after the 2nd D, I stopped. I didn't keep eating and have a big binge.

Tomorrow I have uni early. I am getting tired *shiners* now, and my forehead is getting fuzzy. I know I am dumping more oxalate (hence the extreme hunger earlier tonight). Anyway..continuing on my way. Tomorrow I am going to yoga at 8.15 and I hope we do some meditation because I don't think I'll fit it in in the morning.

This morning I meditated few a little while (maybe 10 minutes). I dry skin brushed after a shower. I went to uni. The weather was HORRIBLE! Rain rain rain. But no wind- so I wasn't that annoyed. Wind pisses me off BIG TIME. I would rather a horrible rainy day than a sunny windy day.

Uni. Oh my God. I LOVE what I am doing. It is everything I hoped of and more. I am going to learn so much about myself, others, how to treat people (in and outside the clinic), the universe, mind, body and soul. I have to stop myself from getting too excited!

I have eaten 3 times today. I broke my rule which I forgot about- no eating at computer. I ate B & L at the table, but was doing uni work and sorting out swapping tickets for a night out with some random guy and I needed to be at the computer to converse, and I was damn hungry.

Today I have been in a pretty bad mood, but haven't had to talk to anyone so it hasn't really shown! I only realised when I got a phone call and really didn't feel like talking to anyone. I have had red/blue 'shiners' under my eyes, and could not stop yawning at uni (even though I was really listening!), bloated all day etc. Dumping oxalates does this.

I stuck with all my supplements, foods and probiotics/enzymes. It is Day 1. Hopefully in the future it will become 2nd nature and I won't have to think about everything so much. I am quite tired. My macbook keeps making funny noises which are irritating me. I'm taking it in next Wednesday for them to have a look at. It's probably nothing but I want to do it before the warranty is up.

Sorry, but I'm writing another list. 

Lists centre me. They organise my thoughts and bring a bit of clarity. 

Tomorrow I start uni. Today I ate way too many oxalates and got vulvar pain and frequent urination straight away. Oh and a hoarse throat. 

Tomorrow feels like a(noter) fresh start. I want to make steady progress. I really do.

I have made some progress. After dumping I make progress in foods I can tolerate. 

The plan

• Stick with Low Oxalate EVERY DAY (no more than 35mg)
• DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IF I EAT SOME HIGHER CARB VEG! (ie. don't give myself permission to binge. Have a piece, and move on.)
• Have supplements EVERY DAY except for last day of the month. YES, even when I'm going out that night.
• Have 3 Tablespoons of SKJ every day (before meals)
• All organic meats and fats
• Canned salmon 
• Fresh crayfish
• Liver & oysters (when a craving hits)
• Get an OAT test when tax money comes through
• Eat a wider variety of vegetables! (PEELED red capsicum, zucchini & choko, UNPEELED turnips & marrow, & cauliflower, FRESH herbs in soups)
• UNDERSTAND that oxalate dumping brings on a 'fake hunger', have an enema instead!
• Work towards coffee enema's. First probiotics enemas, then green tea then coffee.
• TRY fresh wild fish (salmon 1st) 
• TRY shellfish
• Introduce ghee (after a lot of dumping has eased)
• Introduce olive oil (after a green tea enema?)
• Some meditation every morning
• Dry skin brushing every day
• Exercise every day (Yoga or Walking)
• CONSCIOUSLY improve posture
• LESS computer/tv- MORE art!

Supplements (every day)

• B complex 50mg (work towards 2x day after dumping has eased)
• Molybdenum (until it runs out)
• Biotin 300mcg (increase when dumping)
• Vitamin E 400IU
• Calcium & Magnesium Citrate (300mg/ea 2x day)
• Cod Liver Oil (1/2tsp, increase to 1tsp after a few enema's)
• TriEnza w/every meal 
• Custom Probiotic 1 baby scoop every morning

I have been doing this supplement regime for a few weeks now and I think it works well. 

MOST importantly- DO THE BEST I CAN EVERY DAY! 

Don't beat myself up or 'give up' on that day if I don't do 'perfectly'. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Ask myself every morning- is this a day to reach further healing or stall healing? (My logical brain will always chose to reach greater healing!) MY health is in MY hands.   I have all the information I need for now, and I can make huge changes if I chose to.

Eating too much meat is causing me to make endogenous oxalate.
Today was stressful at work. I had cloudy pee and was dumping ox all morning but I didn't feel too bad. Quite happy and upbeat actually. When I got home I had dinner then went to my friends' house. The low blood sugar dumping symptom began then extreme tiredness.

I am worried storing my enzymes in the freezer is going to destroy them. They have been SO helpful, even in the few days I've taken them!

Tomorrow is my last day of not studying more or less full time. I will try to journal everyday from Aug 1st. I'm watching my meat intake, upping enema's and eating a wider variety of veggies. Dumping will continue. I'm looking forward to getting my OAT test.

I keep reminding myself to have good posture and try to get some exercise everyday. I would like to start some quiet meditation in the mornings too, even if it is only for 5 or so minutes to begin with.

Supplement regime for the next week:
2x 50mg B-complex (breakfast & lunch)
2x 30mcg biotin (breakfast & lunch)
2x 300mg calc&mag citrate (lunch & dinner)
1x Vit E 400IU
2x TriEnza caps/1x scoop TriEnza powder w/ each meal (3x meals/day)
1-2x HcL (depending on reflux, amt. of meat eaten)
1/2tsp Cod Liver Oil (breakfast)

I usually take all of this daily anyway. I'm basically doubling biotin, b-complex and CLO. I am nervous about the amount of oxalate I'll dump and how uncomfortable it'll be. My skin goes a strange pale yellow colour, almost translucent and I can't wear any rings on my fingers or I'll develop a rash that scales, peels and cracks. Very wierd!!
My digestion gets VERY bad. I can barely digest any fibre (hence the enzymes). I get insomnia, bloating, distention, loose stools (with lots of crystals and white specks)- enteroliths? fatigue, EXTREMELY irritable (I will actually BITE your head off), fluid retention... fun times.

The funny thing I am seeing is that a lot of Vitamin-B deficiency symptoms are appearing AFTER starting the B-supplement. Retracing? Detox? Healing reactions? I've noticed ridges on my nails and bad dandruff. My teeth are not very white either. Sometimes they appear very white.

******************

Last night was ok. I ended up eating the steak. I dumped oxalate all night in to my digestive system, so as a result was bloated all night but I am kind of use to it now!
I felt weird in the morning. I wasn't tired until 1:30 AM. I felt weak and unbalanced.

I realised what provokes binges. Seeing others eat foods that I can't eat. I have been living alone for 3 weeks and have barely binged... The only times I have, it has been because I have seen others eat cakes, sweets, chips etc.. Like I would go to my parents house and they would have dessert, or to a party where there is a tonne of junk food served and nothing touches my mouth. That's why I binged so much living at home, or when I lived with my sister because there is so much GARBAGE food in the house and I feel deprived, and sad about it. I must work on getting over this feeling of deprivation. I have come to the realisation that this started YEARS ago when I restricted what I ate when I had anorexia. Then I would see pictures/be with people eating foods I restricted, and would go and binge on them.

I'm glad I've noticed this. So now I can address it. I'm just not sure how. It is so hard.

My gut is extremely irritated. Last night I took too many HCL's and became very tired and my stomach was burning. It got quite bad and I was getting desperate. I didn't want to take any bi-carb because I threw out the box and didn't know if the stuff I bought had other ingredients. Then I remembered sauerkraut. So I had probably 3/4 cup of sauerkraut juice. The burning went away.
Today I have that nagging gut fluid retention. I get this when my gut has been irritated in some way and there is a tonne of mucous slogging it's way through. I could have an enema but I don't know how helpful it'll be. I feel the most uncomfortable in the middle of my gut (small intestine) and at the ileocecal valve, which an enema won't reach.
I have had breakfast and this feeling is really annoying me! It doesn't 'hurt' but it's frustrating.

I'm not sure if this irritation is from the HCL or the sauerkraut. The night before last I had the same problem actually with too much HCL. But I didn't become extremely tired and my gut didn't feel so inflamed. I felt this before the SKJ so it's hard to tell. Maybe it's both. The juice would have probably been irritating too. Usually I'll have 2 tablespoons max before a meal and that is fine.

I have a friends party to attend this afternoon which will go all night. I am staying over. She is having a barbeque and I was going to take a steak to cook. I don't know if I should be eating that much meat today though. I think my stomach needs a rest from acid.

I'm not taking any supplements either. Today will be the one day of the month I don't take supplements, to balance the body. I think I will just do some study, sip on chamomile tea and head to the party at 3pm.

Coffee enema's. Butter oil. B6. Biotin. Cod liver oil. Enzymes. That's what's on my mind.
Those are some things I am going to be working on soon.
Come Monday if I feel up to it, I'm ramping up the CLO dose again, to 1tsp in the morning.
Depending on my work schedule, I'll have my first coffee enema sometime next week. My fat digestion is terrible lately. Gone are the days when I could eat 4 tablespoons of fat in a sitting with no problem. Binge eating, intestinal stress, oxalate damage have sent me backwards and these coffee enemas are supposedly good for flushing the gall bladder.

Butter Oil? Vitamin K. 'The X Factor', to compliment the CLO, and because I don't do ghee yet. (Soon I hope!)

B6? Oxalate induced dumps. Getting my B6 levels up and getting rid of some of that stored oxalate. Hoping this will help with the amenorrhea too. Biotin to offset the oxalate damage, since biotin is greatly depleted in dumps.

Enzymes? My digestion SUCKS. I feel like I cannot digest any fibre. It is a PAIN!

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAL! One step at a time...sigh.

The past few days I have really been trying to do everything right and to maximise the amount of nutrition I am getting. Really I should be trying to do that everyday, but I'm known for self-sabotage.
I'm really beginning to understand that I have complete control over my own life and if I really wanted to heal, I could. I have discovered the basic principles to healing, it's just sticking to them which is the incredibly hard thing.

I have been good this week. I've made meat broths and had them every day. I've had cod liver oil every morning and liver and oysters almost every day too. All my meats and fats are biodynamic. I've pushed through 3 horrible days at work where oxalate dumping was really getting the better of me. I'm proud of myself.

I reacted awfully to the biodynamic pork (not fed corn/soy) I tried from the market. The fatigue, puffy face and weird skin colour was enough for me to know it was a no-go. I fell asleep an hour after eating it, and slept for 12.5 hours only to was up still exhausted. This is why I can't do eggs, fish or poultry also. It is a puzzle I'm often trying to solve. Now I know it is the MEAT I am reacting to, and nothing the animal has eaten. It all started when my diet got ridiculously limited as I started to fear food, and was eating foods very high in oxalate (white potatoes and rice). So I wonder if stored oxalate has something to do with it, since my body was too weak to dump during this time.

This week I am doubling my cod liver oil dose to 1/2 tsp (I'm at 1/4tsp at the moment). I seem to be fine with this amount. Some days I even crave it, and same with the liver..especially during oxalate dumps when a tonne of the body's resources are depleted. I'm also starting on the new batch of sauerkraut juice. I'm also doubling my B vitamin dose, so I'll be taking 2 50mg complexes a day..100mg B6. Prepare for dumping.

I'm trying not to get caught up in 'dreaming' of what I want to turn out like. I am more-so thinking of what I can achieve and being courageous with that. Hopefully this will help keep me on track.