Today I'm feeling a bit off. Yesterday I felt really good. This is typical of chronic fatigue (which I barely have). I think I went a bit hard in yoga last night. At the end we did a back bend pose and I could feel my kidneys getting squeezed and hurting. I also didn't retain water yesterday, and I felt like I saw my 'true weight', which I am happy with. Today I'm back to being puffy and woke up lethargic.

Meals are mostly lamb/beef which have been cooked in water for 3 or so hours. I usually throw a few fresh herbs (mint, oregano, sage…anything I have) and a few garlic cloves in (which I strain out). This is my meat broth and that usually lasts 2 days. I let the broth cool in the fridge then take the hard fat off and put it in jars in the freezer for cooking later. The meat has soft fatty tissues on it so I don't usually add extra fat unless I'm cooking with mince, having some fish, steak or baking veggies. I will add extra fat when I can tolerate it better- dumping oxalate greatly impairs fat absorption for me and having too much makes me feel unwell.

TriEnza is a GODSEND! I have been eating different kinds of veggies now. I am partially ignoring salicylates for now, I feel too deprived and depressed if I'm only eating 4 different foods! So I'm having some peeled zucchini, peeled capsicum, small amounts of cauliflower, turnips, chayote/choko, marrows and garlic (infused- not the fibre) depending on what I can find. Before it was just marrow and turnips. I will probably bring back kabocha squash and butternut squash when I am in better control of binges, and spaghetti squash when in season. I might have a rule that I only have butternut or kabocha when mum or dad are cooking it for their own dinner. Then I won't feel like I'm always saying 'no thanks' when they ask if they can cook something for me. 

I am moving back with my parents tomorrow. I've barely packed but it shouldn't take too long. I hope I get a sunny room to make study enjoyable. I hope even more that  I can put up with my father. I've loved living alone and have learnt a lot about myself. I've learnt about my reactions to other people and most importantly my pattern of thinking and how I get stuck in a 'rut' of unreasonable negative thoughts. ("I hate this I hate that"). I've also realised the core reason for my binges being mostly about deprivation. Binges do not get me anywhere-only set me back. I hope I remember all this when I'm feeling a binge coming on. Lots of hoping going on here!